When a Loved One Struggles With Addiction: How Families Can Support Without Losing Themselves
- Elizabeth Mabbott, LPC
- 5 hours ago
- 5 min read
Author: Full Circle Counseling & Wellness
Featured Therapist: Elizabeth Mabbott, LPC
Serving: Frankfort & South Suburban Chicago (In-Person + Telehealth Available)
Addiction Rarely Affects Just One Person
When someone you love struggles with addiction, your world changes too.
You may find yourself:
Constantly worrying
Checking your phone late at night
Replaying conversations in your head
Wondering if you missed warning signs
Addiction doesn’t only impact the individual using substances. It reshapes entire families — emotionally, financially, and relationally.
At Full Circle Counseling & Wellness in Frankfort, we often work with parents, partners, siblings, and adult children who feel exhausted, confused, and deeply conflicted. You may love this person fiercely — and also feel angry, hurt, or overwhelmed.
Those emotions can coexist. And you deserve support for them.
Why Families Adapt — and Why It Makes Sense
Families affected by addiction often fall into patterns that develop out of survival, not weakness. These roles aren’t assigned consciously — they form in response to instability and fear.
Understanding them can bring clarity without blame.
Common Family Roles in Addiction Dynamics
The Rescuer
The rescuer steps in repeatedly to fix crises:
Paying overdue bills
Calling in sick for them
Providing rides, housing, or financial bailouts
The rescuer often believes:
“If I help enough, things will stabilize.”
Rescuing usually comes from love — but over time, it can unintentionally shield a loved one from natural consequences that might motivate change.
The Enabler
Enabling isn’t about bad intentions. It often looks like:
Minimizing the severity of the addiction
Avoiding difficult conversations
Protecting the person from accountability
Enabling grows from fear: fear of conflict, escalation, or losing the relationship.
The Scapegoat
Sometimes one family member expresses the anger everyone else feels. They may act out, argue, or challenge the addicted loved one directly — and become labeled as “the problem.”
Often, this person is reacting to chaos, not causing it.
The Overachiever or “Hero”
Some family members cope by striving for perfection — excelling in school or work to restore a sense of control or pride in the family.
These roles form because families are trying to survive something overwhelming. Therapy helps untangle them without shame.
The Difference Between Supporting and Enabling
One of the hardest questions families face is:
“Am I helping, or am I making it worse?”
Supporting recovery means encouraging responsibility and growth. Enabling often removes consequences in the short term to reduce discomfort.
Here’s what that difference can look like:
Supporting Recovery Might Include:
Encouraging treatment or counseling
Attending family therapy
Offering transportation to appointments
Expressing care without covering up harm
Enabling Might Include:
Giving money that funds substance use
Lying to employers or family members
Ignoring repeated destructive behavior
Accepting broken boundaries without consequence
The shift from enabling to supporting often requires firm — but compassionate — boundaries.
Why Boundaries Feel So Difficult
Setting boundaries with someone struggling with addiction can feel terrifying.
You might think:
“What if they cut me off?”
“What if they spiral further?”
“What if I’m being too harsh?”
Boundaries are not punishment. They are clarity.
They might sound like:
“I won’t give you money, but I will help you find treatment.”
“I love you, and I won’t allow substance use in my home.”
“I can listen, but I won’t argue when you’re intoxicated.”
Boundaries protect your emotional and physical safety. They also reduce resentment — which builds quietly when you abandon your own needs.
The Emotional Toll on Families
Families affected by addiction often carry deep emotional weight:
Guilt
“Did I cause this?”“Should I have seen it sooner?”
Anger
At broken promises. At chaos. At feeling powerless.
Grief
Grieving who your loved one used to be — or who you hoped they would become.
Shame
Addiction can feel isolating. Many families suffer in silence to avoid judgment.
These emotions are heavy. Therapy offers a place to process them safely — without minimizing or blaming yourself.
When Your Loved One Isn’t Ready for Help
One of the most painful realities is that you cannot force someone into recovery.
You may care deeply and want change desperately — but recovery requires personal willingness.
That doesn’t mean you have to wait to get support.
At Full Circle Counseling & Wellness, we often remind families:
You are allowed to seek help even if your loved one refuses it.
Your healing is not dependent on their choices.
How Elizabeth Mabbott, LPC Supports Families
Elizabeth Mabbott, LPC, brings extensive experience working with trauma and addiction — both with individuals struggling directly and the families who love them.
Her approach is grounded in compassion and clarity.
Elizabeth helps families:
Untangle guilt from responsibility
Process anger and grief without judgment
Identify patterns that sustain chaos
Practice healthy communication
Develop realistic boundaries
Rebuild their own sense of identity and peace
She understands that addiction often intersects with trauma — and that families need tools, not lectures.
Sessions may focus on:
Education about addiction cycles
Emotional regulation strategies
Role shifts within the family system
Self-care plans that are sustainable
Healing for families is not about abandoning someone. It’s about learning how to care without sacrificing yourself.
Self-Care Is Not Selfish — It’s Necessary
Family members often neglect their own needs while focusing on the addicted loved one.
But chronic stress can lead to:
Anxiety
Depression
Physical health problems
Burnout
Self-care may include:
Therapy for yourself
Support groups
Physical activity
Time with trusted friends
Spiritual or reflective practices
When you stabilize your own well-being, you model resilience and reduce emotional reactivity.
Support for Families in Frankfort & Nearby Communities
If you are part of a family in Frankfort, New Lenox, Mokena, Tinley Park, Orland Park, or surrounding south suburban Chicago communities, you do not have to navigate this alone.
At Full Circle Counseling & Wellness, we offer:
In-person therapy in Frankfort
Secure telehealth sessions across Illinois
Whether your loved one is actively using, in early recovery, or resistant to treatment, support is available for you.
You Are Allowed to Step Out of Survival Mode
When addiction dominates family life, it can feel like crisis management never ends.
But there is another path — one that includes:
Clear boundaries
Emotional processing
Reduced guilt
Healthier communication
Reclaimed identity
You can love someone and still protect yourself.
You can care deeply and still say no.
You can hope for their recovery while investing in your own healing.
Protecting Yourself While Loving Them
Addiction is complicated. So are families.
If you are exhausted, confused, or unsure what to do next, therapy can offer clarity and steadiness.
You don’t need to have all the answers — you only need support for where you are right now.
Comments